Picture the scene. My girlfriend and I are sat in a cinema. It doesn’t have to be a specific time or specific film as this happens most times we or any of us go to the cinema. Sat in the place are usually teenagers. These people usually are loud. They’re usually shouting things or saying stuff really loud. They usually have mobile phones that are unable to be switched off. They are usually cunts.
Now, a word to all teenagers out there. Nobody is interested in your inane banter, nobody is in the least bit amused by your antics and nobody thinks that you are funny. Every little thing you say, every little thing you do and every little thing you think has already been done by many fuckwits before you. Nothing you do or say is original.
People like me want to kill you as we know in our hearts that it will only make the world better. If there were less teenagers in the world then people like me could enjoy a film without hearing dumb ass giggles coming from about the place just because someone said something slightly titillating. Every time I go to see a film and someone talks I want to break them in half. I want to tear their heads open and eat their brains, suck out their eyes and spit them back in their dying faces. I know some might think that’s an overreaction but I don’t. I have paid good money to see a film and I don’t want some little cunt ruining my night out. These kids obviously get the money from their parents and think nothing of it when they ruin other peoples enjoyment of films. Well, I am here to tell you that is not on.
I remember being in a cinema in Florida and the film broke and burned on the screen. I had never seen that happen and was quite amused. Most of the yanks in the place went mental and started demanding all sorts of shit as their film experience was ruined. I just wanted to watch it again. Once we were in the next showing, people started talking. I turned to the nearest americunt and, in no uncertain terms, told them to keep their mouths shut when the film got to the point where it broke (which was only 25 mins in). They looked shocked...but they shut the fuck up. I have done the same in many other films and the same reaction occurred.
If I had my way, armed guards would patrol the aisles to keep order. I will allow people to laugh, giggle, scream or make noises of appreciation but talking in a voice above a whisper will be punishable by death. Mobile phones being looked at or used will result in the owner being first tortured and then killed. Talk all you want during the ads and trailers, call anyone you feel but when the title screen goes up and the film starts I have only one simple, humble request.
Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
...
...
Rant over.
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Friday, 4 March 2011
The hatred and stupidity of your average American.
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Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Okay folks, here is my latest workout update. It might not seem like much to some of you, might seem like a lot to others. Either way, I am proud of what I'm doing and feel compelled to let you all know! After a 6 month break I feel good to be able to do the kettle bell class again.
You will see some abbreviations in this post. KB is kettle bell, SHP is sumo high pull and kg is fairly obvious.
Read, enjoy, comment, the usual...
Kettle Bells 31/01/2011
Warm Up
1 minute of lunges throwing arms back and above head
1 minute of lunges twisting arms to side over front leg
10 KB swings, 10 one arm swings each arm, 10 full swings
3 rounds
then...
10 KB clean and press each arm
5 rounds, moving up a weight each time if possible.
I did 2 rounds with 16kg, 2 with 20kg and 1 with 24kg.
then...
Double swinging snatches with a partner.
3 rounds, 10 reps each
I did 2 rounds with 16kg KB and 1 round with 20kg KB.
finally...
40 reps, 6 exercises
Full swings
Press ups
SHP
Burpees
Swinging 1 arm snatches
Pull over crunches
KB used - 16kg
Time - Somewhere around the 12 minute mark.
Death, although not as dead as last week.
I think this is what I did. I tried to record what I'd done straight after the class but for some reason my brain didn't want to work all that well! Fuck it, it's close enough...
You will see some abbreviations in this post. KB is kettle bell, SHP is sumo high pull and kg is fairly obvious.
Read, enjoy, comment, the usual...
Kettle Bells 31/01/2011
Warm Up
1 minute of lunges throwing arms back and above head
1 minute of lunges twisting arms to side over front leg
10 KB swings, 10 one arm swings each arm, 10 full swings
3 rounds
then...
10 KB clean and press each arm
5 rounds, moving up a weight each time if possible.
I did 2 rounds with 16kg, 2 with 20kg and 1 with 24kg.
then...
Double swinging snatches with a partner.
3 rounds, 10 reps each
I did 2 rounds with 16kg KB and 1 round with 20kg KB.
finally...
40 reps, 6 exercises
Full swings
Press ups
SHP
Burpees
Swinging 1 arm snatches
Pull over crunches
KB used - 16kg
Time - Somewhere around the 12 minute mark.
Death, although not as dead as last week.
I think this is what I did. I tried to record what I'd done straight after the class but for some reason my brain didn't want to work all that well! Fuck it, it's close enough...
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
The Long Hard Road Back To Fitness...
Welcome, dear readers, to the latest of my blogs. This one will be a bit of a personal one as I am addressing my current weight and fitness level.
Approximately 2 years ago, I started to take my fitness seriously. I had previously gotten by doing the warm ups at ninjutsu but, seeing as there was now an overabundance of fitness classes available to me, I started doing the fitness and the circuits classes. These both showed up just how unfit I actually was. I had never seriously trained to any significant level and these classes were very tough, to begin with.
I didn’t start to notice any changes in my fitness until a few months in. I didn’t get as out of breath during the work outs, I got stronger and my stamina started to reach a proper level.
During these classes I was introduced to such things as animal crawls, kettle bells, body weight rows, pull ups and other such delights and I began to hate them all! Animal crawls are simply no fun. Who ever thought that impersonating a tiger, gorilla, spider or caterpillar was a good idea? Kettle bells are weighty lumps of annoyance. Swinging them about involves more hip action than most people see in a lifetime. Pull ups are evil, especially if you are trying to move a body of over 100 kg. I don’t care what people say about muscles being in proportion to body size, you’re still pulling over 100 kilos against gravity!
But despite the evil nature of all of these things, they worked. Muscles I hadn’t employed in such a capacity began to get stronger. Tendons I had never used in such a way began to become more supple. My body also began to become slimmer. That was a very welcome change, I can tell you! There’s nothing like being a little less podgy to make the male ego swell. It does wonders for your self esteem!
But, for various reasons, my fitness level has dropped of late. I am no longer the svelte person I was and I am also unable to last through a warm up without being absolutely knackered by the end of it. I won’t go into the reasons why. Instead I will say that an increase in my meal sizes and an addiction to cake are the main culprits. A drop in class attendance did play a part in this, too. Hey, I had a life to live! Also drinking copious amounts of Monster energy drinks didn’t help, either. I adore the caffeine content but the sugar content was simply insane.
So I have stopped the energy drink consumption, curbed the cake addiction and reduced my portion sizes. I am also returning to the kettle bell class that once made me fit and healthy.
I will give regular updates on my progress and keep a running blog of my class activities. This will serve a few purposes. One, it will give me a visible record of how well I am doing and two, it might inspire some of you to do the same.
I am under no illusions that this will be an easy road back to fitness. I know it will be a hard uphill slog but I am fully prepared to make the journey. All you need is the will to fight or, at the very least, the will to prove something, even if that’s just proving something to yourself.
Wish me luck!
Approximately 2 years ago, I started to take my fitness seriously. I had previously gotten by doing the warm ups at ninjutsu but, seeing as there was now an overabundance of fitness classes available to me, I started doing the fitness and the circuits classes. These both showed up just how unfit I actually was. I had never seriously trained to any significant level and these classes were very tough, to begin with.
I didn’t start to notice any changes in my fitness until a few months in. I didn’t get as out of breath during the work outs, I got stronger and my stamina started to reach a proper level.
During these classes I was introduced to such things as animal crawls, kettle bells, body weight rows, pull ups and other such delights and I began to hate them all! Animal crawls are simply no fun. Who ever thought that impersonating a tiger, gorilla, spider or caterpillar was a good idea? Kettle bells are weighty lumps of annoyance. Swinging them about involves more hip action than most people see in a lifetime. Pull ups are evil, especially if you are trying to move a body of over 100 kg. I don’t care what people say about muscles being in proportion to body size, you’re still pulling over 100 kilos against gravity!
But despite the evil nature of all of these things, they worked. Muscles I hadn’t employed in such a capacity began to get stronger. Tendons I had never used in such a way began to become more supple. My body also began to become slimmer. That was a very welcome change, I can tell you! There’s nothing like being a little less podgy to make the male ego swell. It does wonders for your self esteem!
But, for various reasons, my fitness level has dropped of late. I am no longer the svelte person I was and I am also unable to last through a warm up without being absolutely knackered by the end of it. I won’t go into the reasons why. Instead I will say that an increase in my meal sizes and an addiction to cake are the main culprits. A drop in class attendance did play a part in this, too. Hey, I had a life to live! Also drinking copious amounts of Monster energy drinks didn’t help, either. I adore the caffeine content but the sugar content was simply insane.
So I have stopped the energy drink consumption, curbed the cake addiction and reduced my portion sizes. I am also returning to the kettle bell class that once made me fit and healthy.
I will give regular updates on my progress and keep a running blog of my class activities. This will serve a few purposes. One, it will give me a visible record of how well I am doing and two, it might inspire some of you to do the same.
I am under no illusions that this will be an easy road back to fitness. I know it will be a hard uphill slog but I am fully prepared to make the journey. All you need is the will to fight or, at the very least, the will to prove something, even if that’s just proving something to yourself.
Wish me luck!
Sunday, 7 November 2010
Stinkin Fart.
Yes folks, it's time for me to spew some more vitriol and talk about just how crap I think Linkin park are. I'm sure that the title of this blog might have confused some of you. I have this thing where I feel the need to rename crap bands. Linkin Park? Stinking Fart. Nickleback? Stickleback. Avril Lavinge? Bovril Latrine. Not particularly smart or funny but they amuse me. So fuck you if you don't find them even remotely amusing.
So, picture the scene. Don't you just hate it when people write that? As if you want to picture the scene, as if you want to imagine a snap shot of their bullshit life. Anyway, picture the fucking scene, ok? Me and my girlfriend are driving in the car on a Saturday afternoon whilst listening to Rock Radio. There's a dullard of a DJ on who seems to be kissing the asses of two numpties from Linkin Park, telling them just how lovely and wonderful he thinks they are. They are then allowed to play some tracks from their blisteringly dull new album, A Thousand Suns. What a stupid fucking decision. Whoever told them they could do this needs to be shot in the face.
The listenership of the station was then subjected to the kind of mindless crap that gets played in corporate coffee houses.
One of the tracks that our ears were assaulted with contained some profanity. It had the word 'motherfucker' repeated in it about 12 times. This isn't the source of my problem with this particular band. I can cope with the word motherfucker. I mean, I've been called it many times, myself. Sometimes I've even been called worse things, by people who say they like me.
But, back to the matter in hand....
Linkin Park peddle pseudo industrial rap rock for the Starbucks generation. Insipid, lightweight drivel that's listened to by people who sit on big comfy couches, with big cups of skinny latte with only half a shot as they don't want to actually taste the caffeine. Fuck that. I want music the same strength and clarity as my coffee. Dark and murky with a sinister undercurrent and strong enough to stop a charging rhino. What I don't want is this kind of shite clogging up the airwaves. I am of the firm belief that I should start my own radio show. Oh sure, I'll fall foul of Ofcom more than once. I'm certain that my language would cause me to recieve a deluge of complaints and I haven't even gotten to the playlist, yet. I want to hear songs by Slayer, Metallica, Megadeth, Machine Head and the like. I want thrash metal blasting from my speakers, I want to scare the people into liking my show. Failing that, I just want get some faint praise from the small number of fans I might possibly draw!
But I guess this can also be a plea to the members of this annoyance of a band. Please stop making music, and I use that word in it's loosest sense. Go and find alternative careers. Stack shelves, work at a post office, donate your bodies to medical science. Just stop, ok? Stop.
Oh great, now they have just appeared on my TV. There I am, happily typing away while Scuzz tv plays me some tunes and Linkin Park show up with some random rap/shouty mix. I couldn't tell you which song it is as all of their work sounds the same. Plus, I can't be arsed looking at the TV screen to find out. I don't want it to infect my brain anymore than it already is!
So, picture the scene. Don't you just hate it when people write that? As if you want to picture the scene, as if you want to imagine a snap shot of their bullshit life. Anyway, picture the fucking scene, ok? Me and my girlfriend are driving in the car on a Saturday afternoon whilst listening to Rock Radio. There's a dullard of a DJ on who seems to be kissing the asses of two numpties from Linkin Park, telling them just how lovely and wonderful he thinks they are. They are then allowed to play some tracks from their blisteringly dull new album, A Thousand Suns. What a stupid fucking decision. Whoever told them they could do this needs to be shot in the face.
The listenership of the station was then subjected to the kind of mindless crap that gets played in corporate coffee houses.
One of the tracks that our ears were assaulted with contained some profanity. It had the word 'motherfucker' repeated in it about 12 times. This isn't the source of my problem with this particular band. I can cope with the word motherfucker. I mean, I've been called it many times, myself. Sometimes I've even been called worse things, by people who say they like me.
But, back to the matter in hand....
Linkin Park peddle pseudo industrial rap rock for the Starbucks generation. Insipid, lightweight drivel that's listened to by people who sit on big comfy couches, with big cups of skinny latte with only half a shot as they don't want to actually taste the caffeine. Fuck that. I want music the same strength and clarity as my coffee. Dark and murky with a sinister undercurrent and strong enough to stop a charging rhino. What I don't want is this kind of shite clogging up the airwaves. I am of the firm belief that I should start my own radio show. Oh sure, I'll fall foul of Ofcom more than once. I'm certain that my language would cause me to recieve a deluge of complaints and I haven't even gotten to the playlist, yet. I want to hear songs by Slayer, Metallica, Megadeth, Machine Head and the like. I want thrash metal blasting from my speakers, I want to scare the people into liking my show. Failing that, I just want get some faint praise from the small number of fans I might possibly draw!
But I guess this can also be a plea to the members of this annoyance of a band. Please stop making music, and I use that word in it's loosest sense. Go and find alternative careers. Stack shelves, work at a post office, donate your bodies to medical science. Just stop, ok? Stop.
Oh great, now they have just appeared on my TV. There I am, happily typing away while Scuzz tv plays me some tunes and Linkin Park show up with some random rap/shouty mix. I couldn't tell you which song it is as all of their work sounds the same. Plus, I can't be arsed looking at the TV screen to find out. I don't want it to infect my brain anymore than it already is!
Sunday, 31 October 2010
It's a Marvel-lous Halloween!
Welcome, folks! Here is my Halloween pumpkin offering, this year. Based on marvel's Iron Man. I'd just finished watching Iron Man 2 and I got to thinking, 'Hey, I've still got a pumpkin to carve....!'
Next year? Batman. Not just the logo, Christian Bale's actual visage in full Batman outfit! Ambitious? You betcha!
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
Woodwork-a-go-go!
I don't really class myself as a carpenter, as I have no formal skill when it comes to working with wood. I also don't class myself as a complete novice as I can make pretty much all I set out to.
What I will class myself as is a guy with some level of skill who makes shit with wood!
So far I have made beehives, a couple of 3 tier shelves, a mini set of 2 shelves and some small planters. They're all pretty good quality, too. I am quite pleased with the way they have turned out. Actually, I shouldn't be that surprised with the quality of my work as I am totally anal when it comes to things being exact. I didn't spend nearly 20 years in engineering and not pick up some level of exactness, along the way!
So this new work environment has opened me up to learning yet more new skills, namely those involved in proper woodworking. Sure, I can plod along and keep screwing bits of wood together and calling it woodwork but I want to learn to do proper joints like mortise and tenon, dovetail and the like. I have the time to do this and I certainly have the skill. Now all I need is the inclination! It's not going to be easy, learning all this new stuff. It'll certainly be a challenge and I relish that. If life was easy, someone smart would live it. Fuck knows what that means!
I also want to move into crafting my own weapons for training. Now before any of you get any ridiculous ideas that I will be stalking the streets all tooled up, I will clarify. I use wooden versions of swords and knives in my ninjutsu training. I want to make my own. I see it as a very integral part of my training in not only ninjutsu but woodworking, in general.
So in the coming months I will be posting pictures of the things I create in my shed of wonders on places like Twitter, Facebook and, of course, here. I'm also looking to set up a website to showcase my wares. Who knows, maybe someone will like my stuff so much that they'll pay me money for it. Stranger things have happened!
So be prepared, folks, to be deluged with tales of my woodworking exploits. I may even get into a spot of whittling!
What I will class myself as is a guy with some level of skill who makes shit with wood!
So far I have made beehives, a couple of 3 tier shelves, a mini set of 2 shelves and some small planters. They're all pretty good quality, too. I am quite pleased with the way they have turned out. Actually, I shouldn't be that surprised with the quality of my work as I am totally anal when it comes to things being exact. I didn't spend nearly 20 years in engineering and not pick up some level of exactness, along the way!
So this new work environment has opened me up to learning yet more new skills, namely those involved in proper woodworking. Sure, I can plod along and keep screwing bits of wood together and calling it woodwork but I want to learn to do proper joints like mortise and tenon, dovetail and the like. I have the time to do this and I certainly have the skill. Now all I need is the inclination! It's not going to be easy, learning all this new stuff. It'll certainly be a challenge and I relish that. If life was easy, someone smart would live it. Fuck knows what that means!
I also want to move into crafting my own weapons for training. Now before any of you get any ridiculous ideas that I will be stalking the streets all tooled up, I will clarify. I use wooden versions of swords and knives in my ninjutsu training. I want to make my own. I see it as a very integral part of my training in not only ninjutsu but woodworking, in general.
So in the coming months I will be posting pictures of the things I create in my shed of wonders on places like Twitter, Facebook and, of course, here. I'm also looking to set up a website to showcase my wares. Who knows, maybe someone will like my stuff so much that they'll pay me money for it. Stranger things have happened!
So be prepared, folks, to be deluged with tales of my woodworking exploits. I may even get into a spot of whittling!
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